With the start of a new year, our church has begun focusing its weekly message on the importance of missionary work -- spreading the Word of God through good deeds around the world. A series of inspiring missionary speakers are sharing their stories in an effort to attract volunteers and financial support. While I don’t share their ambition and enthusiasm for converting non-Christians, I’m inspired by their vivid stories of helping people who are suffering…really making a difference in the lives of people who are being exploited, are hungry, or denied freedom or education.
Since I (admittedly) continue to wrestle with the notion of Faith, I’m not comfortable with the role of missionary work as an (possibly exploitative?) opportunity to “share the Word”. However, I feel a strong pulling to get involved; get my hands dirty; DO something extra-ordinary for the sake of someone else.
But why? Why do I feel the need to travel halfway around the globe to “give” of myself? Do I genuinely want to help other people (selfless) or am I just seeking adventure (selfish)? If my motives are selfish but people are ultimately helped, is this “bad”? Where is this feeling coming from? Why can’t I just be satisfied with my very blessed life?
I suffer from the inability to just BE. I constantly seek change. Is this a character flaw? Or is it a “calling”…an intuition…a sense that a greater purpose is in store for me? Perhaps it’s a weakness…a blind desire to naively follow each and every whim. How can I know?
When people talk about “God calling them to do something” – how do they know it’s God? Maybe they’ve just settled on a convenient way to justify their impulsive actions. Does it even matter? If I want to do something and that somethingultimately helps people, shouldn’t I just do it?
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Let’s say I choose to act on this impulse to help the less fortunate. Let’s say I pursue my own selfish opportunity for adventure. I’ll feel guilty leaving behind a caring, loving husband to foot the bills. I’ll get homesick. I’ll be putting off having a child even longer. I might regret giving up a good paying job. I might not like the food. I might get sick of the “missionaries” pushing me to shove religion down people’s throats.
I suppose this is when the “selfish” act that I thought was under my own control reveals its true identity as a destined opportunity for selflessness. I'd want to come home, but I'd be half-way around the world. I would have little choice but to toughen it out for the sake of truly helping other people without regard for my own self.
Maybe that's what a "calling" is...in the beginning, you think it's your choice. Later, you're wiser.